IDENTITY THEFT

I've been burglarized!!!! People are such dicks. I'll keep it short because I really am beside myself, and collecting all this forensic material is making it worse. Monday, I went up to the citay to de install my part in the Pistolitas show. Aside from everything being tampered with or out of place (which I expected) I noticed that some thieving snake in the grass had boosted some of my shit! First, noticed my monchichi had been seized. Aren't they readily available now, didn't they reissue them recently? Why would someone want my dirty ol' monchichi with nearly a quarter century of babas y todo. Look how Digger, Grimace and E.T were carelessly tossed aside during the pilferage. Why such senseless crimes?!?!? WHY!

By far the worst was that they lifted my old boombox. You got to be shitting me. Some nerve. How does someone walk out with that? Did they prop it up on their shoulder ? Did they look inconspicuous because they had a piece of cardboard under their other arm and donned an adidas track suit? I don't get it. Ughhhh. That was my studio radio too on which I listened to 92.3 La Preciosa and the Juice soundtrack while I would paint. Boooo!

I guess some tunes were needed too. Three or four of my cassette tapes were taken. Among the classics missing were the Fat Boys "Crushin'" and LL Cool J's "Bad". These were bootlegs mind you! They were pirated copies that my brother and I would save up all our pesos/domingos for and buy en los puestos during summer/xmas trips to Mexicali. I could see these being coveted if they were perhaps the real thing, but nooooo, the cover was color copied and it didn't have the pull out, it was just white on the inside. So whoever stole them lacks a discerning eye. Hopefully, the cassettes were mixed up and they really made off with a Cover Girls or Exposé tape.

Who knows what else was stolen. I didn't take inventory. To be fair someone did leave behind a rotting orange and grape stem, so all is not lost. Well if you spot any of these things tip me off, there's nothing wrong with snitching . :) The radio has a hologram snake sticker on it, if that helps. I profiled the crook and came up with this composite sketch. Alright I didn't draw it, I found it on the interweb, but it might be accurate. Mucho ojo, eh.

At least I have this to lift my spirits. :) This cracks me up.

edit* This video has since been deleted due to copyright infringement. Boooo. Now you'll never see the "flaxseed oil" enduced outburst from Barry Lamar Bonds that included this statement - "It's an embarrassment for me to be wearing this (expletive deleted) uniform 'cause of the way I'm playing. There, that's it. Now go away,"-along with a laundry-cart toss after a HITLESS ( I'm talking 0 for 12- hitting in to multiple double plays, popping up and striking out ) weekend against the LA Dodgers. He just better get on another cycle, people are waiting on him and the ESPN interuptions to watch him bat LIVE only to come up with a big goose egg however hilarious, it's getting old. Good news, I found another video, wait for the 1:15 mark.